The Belief Distillery Melanie Parker Hypnotherapy Uncategorized Why Your New Year’s Resolution has already failed and how to get back on Track.

Why Your New Year’s Resolution has already failed and how to get back on Track.

So we have survived the first week of 2021, has your New Year’s Resolution survived too?

Probably not. In the face of so many challenges, who can blame you! but did you give yourself any chance to succeed in the first place?

The thing with New Year’s Resolutions, is we tend to make wishy-washy goals that we know we should do but that don’t excite us in any way such as “Eat more healthily”, or “get fitter”.

Think about it. Could you ever tick that off as complete? Can you assign a real, tangible picture to it in your mind? The chances are you can’t.

I have been guilty of this very thing year after year, making promises to myself that I couldn’t achieve, based on the logic of being fitter or healthier or whatever, feeling deep down that this was a chore – not being able to eat cake, not having my lie ins and having to drag myself up to exercise … all negative, all feeling like effort and work.

If you don’t want to get up at 5am to go for a run, if you check the weather at night and see it’s going to be dark and cold and are dreading your alarm going off in the morning, guess what, you aren’t getting up for that run. Your mind is actively preventing you from doing this because it’s job is to move you away from pain i.e. Running in the cold, dark morning, and towards pleasure such as your cosy bed. You are telling yourself you need to run, at the same time as you are telling yourself how much you don’t want to. The positive emotions of being in your warm, cosy bed will always win over the logic of needing to be fitter.

As an RTT student, I help myself and others change those emotions so our mind is working for us, we need to find a way to change the picture. Slimming groups used to recommend you put a picture of yourself at your biggest on your fridge. The idea being that, rather than thinking of how much you will enjoy the chocolate bar in the fridge, you see the results of eating too many chocolate bars and that image dissuades you. Please don’t do this by the way, negative conditioning like this is terrible and only creates more guilt and shame for a lot of us and then leads to more comfort eating.

Rather than a cautionary tale, We need to create an idealised version to aspire to that really speaks to us, our happy thought. For some that might be a picture of the finish line of the London Marathon, A designer dress they would like to fit into or getting a qualification. For others, it could be having the energy to play with their child in the park for half an hour without having to stop for a rest. It doesn’t matter how big or small the aspiration is, all that matters is it speaks to us on a personal level, we can see it, we can hear it and we can feel it.

So knowing this, how do we set make that perfect image a goal? We make it SMART

No they don’t need to be written in Shakespearian English – They need to be:




Realistic and

Time managed.

So to use the example of “eat more healthily”, this could look something like “To eat 5 fruits and vegetables every day” or someone wanting to improve their fitness could say, I want to be able to run 5K by the end of May. Now this is giving a very specific target and at the end of the period of time you have set, a clear answer to if you have met that goal.

One of my goals this year is to write this blog every week, so I can share my learning with you and I know that is something I am definitely going to achieve.

Now you have a fantastic goal, reaching it is just like getting to Neverland, all you need is a little fairy dust (a SMART goal) and YOUR happy thought.


Related Post

The biggest dieting mistakes we have all madeThe biggest dieting mistakes we have all made

We all make mistakes when it comes to dieting, but some are more common than others. Here are the biggest mistakes that we have all made at one point or another – read on to find out how you can avoid them!​

When starting a new diet, a lot of us tend to go through our cupboards and take out everything we feel we “can’t have”. We cleans our homes and remove temptation, which isn’t a bad thing in itself, but what are you saying to yourself while you do this?

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Photo by Taryn Elliott on

If you are saying you must get it out of the house so it doesn’t tempt you, you are telling yourself that food is more powerful than you are. That you have no control and, although that simply isn’t true, your mind believes this. Equally, when you tell yourself you “aren’t allowed” certain foods, your subconsious feels that your liberty and agency is being taken away, something that as human beings, we really don’t like. We instinctively push back when we are told not to do something and to our subconsious this is no less true when talking about restricting our food.

When purging your cupboards or feel tempted by certain foods, tell yourself you are throwing out the rubbish that no longer serves you. You are purging your home of things that don’t align with your goal and you feel amazing and excited about the changes you are making.

When you feel tempted by food, remind yourself that you have control over your eating, and choosing to eat healthily. You are choosing to put healthy, delicious fuel in your body over rubbish and you feel amazing about it. You are empowered by the healthy choices you are making.

woman in yellow dress sitting on chair
Photo by RODNAE Productions on

The next mistake we often make is talking about how much weight we want to lose. How much we have lost. Losing weight.

Think about loss, losing your keys. Losing your money, your house, a loved one. Loss is a negative emotion and causes pain. Whether it’s the minor annoyance at losing your keys, or deep grief and distress at losing a person, your amazing mind’s job is to move away from pain and towards pleasure, and it does it amazingly well. The problem is that, just like an excited puppy that wants to please you, everything is black and white. Just in the same way that you can’t say to a puppy jumping on the sofa is bad unless it’s the weekend, you can’t tell your mind that loss is bad, except when you are talking about your weight.

the good news is, now you are aware of this, it is easy to chose to stop talking about loss when you are referring to your weight goals and use language that doesn’t have your mind working overtime against you. Some good examples to get you started are “shedding weight”, “I am reducing”, “Getting rid of the excess”. What would you tell yourself?

The last mistake all of us been on this journey before make, is when the diet fails.

I used to beat myself up and feel a failure. I felt guilty and ashamed I couldn’t do something that so many others seemed to find so easy. Diets aren’t designed to work with our human brain. It is a regime based on logic, but as humans we spend 90% of our time living in a world interpreted by our emotions.

If this isn’t your first attempt, or even your second, it’s not your fault. Reducing weight, often means finding the reason you have the weight in the first place and removing it. Through RTT I guide my clients to see the reason why they haven’t succeeded previously and remove the old, unhelpful beliefs around food. I then install the right beliefs, that serve my clients to reach their goals. Whether that be a becoming fitter and healthier for their children, to feel sexier and more confident or to wear the clothes they want to wear.

Using RTT I have given clients the freedom to be the slim, sexy confident, energetic person they were born to be for good.

If you are ready to ditch the diets, and be free from the restrictions that have been holding you back, I want to help. Book a call with me today so we can discuss your specific goals and how we can use RTT to help you achieve them. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and confident in your own skin- let me show you how it’s done!


group of people making toast

Going out, without the scales going upGoing out, without the scales going up

Are you struggling to stick to your diet when you go out? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. In fact, a recent study found that 71% of people struggle to stay on track when they eat out. But don’t give up just yet – there are a few things you can do to make sure you don’t fall off the wagon.

close up shot of a birthday cake
Photo by Jill Wellington on

Whether you are going to a children’s party, a high end restaurant or drinking with friends, don’t go hungry.

When we start to feel hungry and the only things available are turkey dinosaurs and cakes, or we feel ‘starving’ by the time the menu shows up when we are out, we are more likely to over-eat and any diet goes out the window. I’m not saying go out for dinner on top of a full meal, but making sure you have had a handful of nuts or a light snack before you leave and you will make it easier to order the food you want and stay away from the buffet table.

If you are eliminating certain things from your diet or just trying to cut down on fat, check the menu in advance and make sure they cater for your diet. Most places will serve sauces on the side or swap a side if you ask, however don’t expect them to completely change a recipe because you don’t want cream in your creamy mushroom pasta!

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You don’t have to eat everything on your plate!

Portion sizes in a lot of ‘family’ restaurants are ridiculous. Too much food makes you feel uncomfortable, bloated and sluggish. Waste food, is waste food. Whether you put it in the bin or store it as fat, it is still waste and sabotaging your diet goals.

You can and will find it empowering to leave food on your plate. If someone else is paying and you don’t want to seem ungrateful, ask for a ‘doggy bag’ and discretely throw it out when you get home or save some for another day.

The same for birthday cakes, sweets and chocolates. You don’t need to feel like you are making someone else feel bad or that you are in any way being rude when there are biscuits in the office, or great-aunt Mildred has baked you a cake. You can tell your friend or family member, “Thank you so much, I’m a little full right now but please can I have it to take home to enjoy later”. Then you haven’t refused or found yourself in an awkward conversation with that one…you know who I mean. The one that says, “go on, it’s only a little bit”.

Finally and most importantly to keep you making the choices that you want to make for your diet, have the body and life you want, is that you need to change your associations with food.

A vegetarian doesn’t feel tempted to eat meat, a vegan doesn’t feel like they are battling with the urge to devour a fry-up. Why?

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Photo by Pixabay on

The pictures and images they associate in their minds with these foods create a powerful blueprint. Rather than images of a juicy burger and thinking at how yummy it is, they have locked onto an image of a distressed animal. That image is so powerful that they become indifferent to, or even disgusted by things they may once have enjoyed. They no longer link pleasure to eating meat but instead link images of immense suffering and pain.

You can do this with any food, when you think of flour you can conjure images of delicious cakes and memories with grandma, or you can choose to re-wire your mind to see images of making glue in school with flour and water. Wallpaper paste. That disgusting gloopy mess clogging up your insides. You can do this with any food, in either direction, making the things you want to eat more of even more appealing.

If you’re feeling motivated to make some changes but could use a little help, don’t worry. I have plenty of advice and support available here on the blog, as well as my free 30-minute chat service. So book a call with me today! I can’t wait to hear about your adventures in socialising!


3 Reasons why you should exercise today3 Reasons why you should exercise today

Photo by Josh Hild on

I know you don’t want to right now, I used to find it so hard to motivate myself to workout too. In fact, I didn’t want to run an hour ago, it’s raining and cold and I have so much to do today – including inspiring you to improve your overall wellbeing – but I did, and I’ve just got back, sat down at my computer and have all the energy and motivation I need to get shit done!

That is actually #1. When you feel lethargic and need a pick-me-up, exercise is a fantastic way to give both your mind an body a boost. I often used to think, “I’m so tired; I don’t have the energy to work out”. My mind would feel sluggish and I would find motivating myself to do anything really hard. The thing is I only needed to motivate myself to do one thing – Run.

Rather than what you would expect, exercise doesn’t deplete our energy levels but actually recharges them more than having a nap would. Exercise increases our endorphins, leading to more energy, improved mood and motivation, making everything else that comes after that much easier.

Photo by Artem Podrez on

As well as the instant “endorphin high” energy boost you have from a workout, in a study published by the Psychological Bulletin shows that regular exercise gives you more energy in general.

“More than 90% of the studies showed the same thing: Sedentary people who completed a regular exercise program reported improved fatigue compared to groups that did not exercise,” according to researcher Patrick O’Connor, PhD. “It’s a very consistent effect.”

Exercise Fights Fatigue, Boosts Energy (

The second reason you should put your phone or tablet down and get active (when you have finished reading this article) is to support your brain function. Before I took this time for myself I was literally staring at a blank screen. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to say, just my mind was sluggish and I couldn’t find it.

Just like any other muscle and organ in the body, the mind’s performance is improved with the increase in oxygenated blood flowing to it. The mind is sharper, cognitive function is improved by exercise. Just like with our energy, our brain also becomes healthier and works more efficiently with regular exercise.


Dr. Scott McGinnis, an instructor in neurology at Harvard Medical School talks in this article about the benefits increased exercise have on reducing inflammation in the brain and encouraging new cell growth.

 “Even more exciting is the finding that engaging in a program of regular exercise of moderate intensity over six months or a year is associated with an increase in the volume of selected brain regions,”

Dr. McGinnis.

My 3rd reason for getting off the sofa and into some Lycra is my emotional wellbeing. When I run, when I’m on my yoga mat ( and starting this week I can add a pole to that list) I am taking time for myself when no one is needing a snack, the potty, just me. I am free in that time, there is nothing else to do and a sense of acheivement and accomplishment for just showing up. In it’s own way it is a form of meditation that keeps me in a healthy state of mind.

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Physiologically as well exercise is proven to boost your mental health and wellbeing.

I mentioned that along with the energy you get from the endorphins released during exercise, you actually get a buzz from it. Multiple studies have also shown that exercise has a positive effect on mental health, both indirectly through the improved sleep and physical symptoms that affect our mood, and directly by giving us a sense of accomplishment, community, pride and admiration for ourselves.

If that’s still isn’t enough to get your running shoes on and you need some extra help finding the motivation to get out the door, book FREE a call with me and we can talk about ways to find your get-up-and-go.