How to do Valentines in Lockdown

For the last year we have spent almost every waking moment together. Every evening we eat together, put our children to bed together and sit on the sofa together. With Valentines Day approaching fast, I have been racking my brain to find ways to make the evening special, when all of the usual ways we would celebrate are not available to us.

Even if you have not been able to be with your partner during lockdown, and are facing a Valentines spent on webchat, please read on as these ideas are perfect for you too.

I have spent hours, pawing over Pinterest, looking at recipes and Etsy shops only to realise that with us both home 23 hours a day that I was going to have to up my game, at the same time feeling stressed, exhausted and having nothing to wear! I know I’m not alone in this situation, so I have created this Lockdown Valentines List to make your night wonderful and a little out of the ordinary ‘Netflix and Chill’ but as easy as possible.

The Card:

MAKE YOUR PARTNER A CARD. I cannot stress enough how important this is. I don’t care if you think you can’t draw or you suck at art, and neither does your partner. It is all about time and effort to make something small for the person you love.

 If you still find this a scary concept or have no idea where to start, I have found so many ideas perfect for everyone, from novices through to the craftiest of us. You can see all my card making pins here.

The Gift

Since Lockdown, you haven’t been able to purchase a new pair of shoes or  bike part without your partner knowing everything about it, the idea of not just buying but wrapping a gift for my husband is sending me into a spin. This year, we have decided to get a joint gift.

Of course, the most important gift we can give each other is our time, so put down the devices (unless you are communicating on them) and give your partner the very best of you.

It’s all in the preparation

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Have a long shower or a bath, make sure you are feeling your best. Get dressed up as if you were going out together and make the effort. Even though you may not be going much further than the dining room, getting dressed up tells your mind it is going to be a special evening and you are more naturally inclined to behave as though you are on a date.

The Meal:

Rather than eating with the family (5pm and a battle over vegetables in our home), Order takeaway or an oven-ready meal for yourselves. You have just cooked and washed up after your tiny humans, the last thing you want is to have to do that again, not to mention that you don’t want to spend your date in the kitchen.

Yes, a wonderful meal was important in 2019, but half the country can’t even taste their food right now; spend the evening together.

You can make it special by laying a table cloth, serving the meal on plates (even if it’s McDonalds). And if you are doing this via webchat, order your meals ahead for the same time and find a restaurant background for your chat. Source pictures from your favourite restaurants website or you could set out an indoor picnic or day at a theme park.

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The most important thing is, unless you require your technology to communicate at this time, everything should be put down. COMMUNICATE and BE PRESENT with your partner, even if you do nothing else in this list, be together, not just inhabit the same space.

The Evening

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Take these ideas as far as you feel comfortable with and remember the most important thing is you are making time to communicate with your partner and mindfully be with them.

I’m almost certain over the last few months, you have watched every movie there is together so please don’t spend yet another night on the sofa, at least, not in front of a film.

If you are spending your Valentines date on webchat, then my favourite idea is to check out some of the games available either through your webchat provider, or via a third party such as JackBox. Or, if you both have a copy of the same game in the cupboard, why not go old school and play a board game together while you talk?

If you are together, then all the better. Get out the board games and find something to play together to keep you talking. Remember NO PHONES.

Implement some forfeits into your game to bring you closer together, think ideas such as truth or dare, losing items of clothing or revealing a kinky fantasy.

If you can’t meet in person, then I’m sure you have already found some creative ways to feel connected. There are also some toys you can play with over the internet so you and your partner can have the control to each others sensations.

Aromatherapy massage

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Massage oils are relatively easy to come by on line, this one is my favourite, but you can find what works for you.

There are loads of tutorials on YouTube, pick one that resonates with you and remember to have fun.

If you don’t feel very confident, even with no experience, just lightly gliding your hands over your partners body will bring you closer together and feel amazing. Remember this isn’t a serious, solemn experience, talk and laugh with your partner while your touch them….A word of warning though about getting carried away – switch to a good water based lubricant before moving anywhere sensitive.

Talking of anywhere sensitive, if the plan is to get carried away, why not try something more mindful than your usual play time.

Yoni massage – How To Give A Yoni Massage: A 12 Step Guide To Make It Life-Changing (mytinysecrets.com)

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Lingham massage – How to Give an Out-Of-This-World Lingam Massage (beducated.com)

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Some of these ideas may not be new to you, some of them may even seem a little shocking, but being in love is about having fun. That is if you have been together a few months, or married for years. Make Valentines 2021 about fun and togetherness and that feeling will stay with you, and help carry you both into the spring with smiles on your faces.

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Part 2 – Why your depressed and what you can do about itPart 2 – Why your depressed and what you can do about it

There are many reasons we find ourselves depressed or anxious. I covered most of these last week (if you haven’t already, you can read that here), we may have been told we have a hormone imbalance, we may be suffering from inflammation in the brain, reduced serotonin and reduced neuro-plasticity (the brains ability to communicate with itself, let go of old connections and establish new ones). So if all this is going on in our brain, why am I talking to you about your diet?

We have all heard of the importance of serotonin and dopamine in stabilizing and boosting our mood, but what may surprise you to learn is that 95% of the body’s serotonin is produced in the gut and over half of our dopamine is synthesised there too.

The gut is referred to as our second brain, it has it’s own functioning ability outside of the brain allowing it to communicate with the brain. According to Professor Felicia Jacka of the Food and Mood centre, 90% of information travelling this superhighway is going from the gut to the brain, and only 10% from the brain to the gut.

So it makes sense that the foods we eat and the health of our gut directly correlates with the health of our brain.

The truth of it is – Your comfort foods are actually making you feel worse.

That’s right, the foods you eat when you feel low, actually contribute to you feeling worse. The below is a list of foods to minimise in your diet and why they are not helping you shake the blues.

  1. Alcohol, tobacco, other drugs

We know typically these are depressants, and yet we still reach for a glass of wine or a joint to have a good time or numb the effects of stressful day, but they affect the nervous system. Alcohol interferers with our sleep, promotes inflammation as, news flash, our body swells and gets aggravated when we poison it. Add to this that it makes your blood sugar go up and down like a yo-yo, it actively reduces serotonin and actually increases production of hormones that increase your levels of stress and anxiety. It’s a quick fix that not only is toxic to our brain, but damages the gut lining and our healthy bacteria.

2. Added sugar (refined sugar)

We have all been to a children’s birthday party where the children are ‘hyped’ up on sugar and then all get tired and short tempered almost as quickly. The link between the ‘sugar high’ and our food is so similar to that of alcohol or drugs we even treat it as such and limit how much we allow our children to have. We know it’s not good and yet we sit there eating entire chocolate oranges in 10 minutes (or was that just me?)

What sugar actually does is promote inflammation, cause fatigue and irritability, and stop us being able to effectively deal with stress. A study cited by Mind over Munch in their video here, stated that people with a high sugar diet were 23% more likely to develop depression or anxiety.

3. Processed Foods & Fast Foods

We know they aren’t good for us, but the trans fats found in processed and fast food correlate with anxiety, aggression and depression among others. Processed meats are often full of salt , sugar and a lot of…

4. Artificial sweeteners and anything else you can’t pronounce in the ingredients

The clue is the in the name, artificial. They aren’t food and our bodies don’t know how to process them as such. Not only can these ingredients lead to weight gain, they are also associated with headaches, dizziness, migraines as well as mood disorders. If it isn’t food, don’t eat it.

5. ‘White’ grains

When they make white flour, white rice etc, they take away everything that is good about the grain and leave behind what is basically a form of dehydrated glue. Simple carbs like those found in white bread, white rice have nothing good for you, but wow are they full of gluey starch, a simple sugar that causes massive irregularity in your blood sugar.

6. Refined oils

We know how amazing Omega 3 is for our brain health, more about that later, but have you heard of it’s arch nemeses, Omega 6? Neither had I before I started this research, but much like a negative cancels out a positive, Omega 6 (found in refined oils) compete with and block out the Omega 3s. Rather than helping our brain function, Omega 6 causes inflammation, impairs brain function and has been shown to worsen depression. Worth noting a lot of the already really bad fast food, is then fried in refined oil.

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I’m not telling you that you can never have a glass of wine after a stressful week (studies have shown small amounts of red wine have a positive effect on our mood and health), or you can never treat the children to McDonalds, but it should be exactly that – a treat. In order to really help lift our spirits, we need to limit these foods that are literally making us depressed (it’s no surprise that the western world has the highest consumption of these foods and the highest rates of common mood disorders) and eat foods that truly make us happy and function well.

  1. Fatty fish

I promised I would come back to this Omega 3, the undisputed ruler of the brain health foods. Our brains are actually made up of 60% fat. Healthy fats in the form of Omega 3 are fuel to our brains. The best source of Omega 3 is in Salmon, but other fatty fish such as sardines, mackerel and tuna are also good for you. Not to mention all their other health benefits. Also, if you really don’t like fish, Omega 3 is one of the only nutrients that still has a positive effect on mood when taken as a supplement.

Fatty fish also contain amino acids, if the nutrients we take in from food were love letters amino acids would be the envelopes. Tryptophan in particular is the envelope of choice for our happy hormone, serotonin.

2. Nuts and seeds

If you are vegetarian / vegan and cannot eat fish, then you will be pleased to know that walnuts, chia, flax and hemp seeds are also really good sources of plant based Omega 3. Walnuts especially have a recognised mood boosting effect. One study measured participants depression scores and found they were 26% lower in people who ate 1/4 cup of walnuts a day. Eating that amount of walnuts (roughly a dozen halves) also lead to greater optimism, energy, hope and concentration. Pumpkin seeds are also a good source of tryptophan.

3. Meat, Poultry, Eggs Dairy AND SOY

All meat, regardless if it is red or white meat is an excellent source of complete proteins and amino acids, although the best sources are chicken and turkey.

Eggs are also a good source of folate and vitamin D, which may have links to our immune health. Folate can also be found in legumes such as beans or chickpeas, as well as nuts and seeds.

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What is folate? Folate is a very clever B9 vitamin who’s job is to help regenerate cells and tissue. Low levels of folate have been linked to increased risk of depression and poor response to antidepressant treatment

4. Vegetables

Of course I’m going to tell you at some point to eat your greens. Vegetables, especially dark leafy greens such as cabbage, spinach and broccoli, are packed full of nutrients and folate. They are also full of antioxidants.

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Why are antioxidants good? Oxidisation of cells in the body, splits them at an atomic level. These atoms have unpaired electrons and zoom around the body looking for another atom to pair up with. Think of it like a pair of magnets stuck together, and then the Oxygen comes in like the flat mate they swear they are just friends with and splits them up leaving one magnet looking desperately for love, and not caring what they wreck in the process. These are what you may have heard referred to as free radicals. They are natural and normal, but like everything, in moderation. If there are two many of them, our body can’t keep up and they can cause diseases and have even been attributed to some cancers. When this happens, the body is in oxidative stress which has also been linked to depression and anxiety.

5. Fruits

A healthy mix of fruits is essential for your diet, but berries are your best choice when choosing mood foods. All berries are some of the most antioxidant rich foods that exist, so much so in blueberries, they are considered a depression food.

Avocado is also great for you, and they are not just for millennials. They are full of healthy fats, folate and also rich in amino acids helping all that good stuff get to where it needs to be.

Keep in mind that any change to your diet in the right direction is going to help you to feel better, you don’t need to become Gillian McKeith overnight to get the benefits, but the more you can eliminate the less helpful foods and eat more of the good stuff, the better you will feel. The catch 22 is, if you are feeling depressed you may not feel worth spending the time and energy to buy and make these foods, but there are really quick, simple and cheap solutions available on line. If you know someone who is depressed, why not make a large batch of something yummy you can take round to a friend (and leave, please don’t put pressure). Something easy to reheat or eat cold they can just grab – Such as a crust-less quiche using yogurt instead of cream and packed full of chicken, red peppers and spinach.

If you would like this quiche recipe, please email me (melanie.parker@thebeliefdistillery.co.uk) and put “Brain Quiche” in the subject.

Please keep in mind, no specific food is a treatment for anxiety or depression, and these recommendations are NOT a substitute for medical or psychiatric advice. Please consult with your physician or mental health professional before making lifestyle changes, especially any changes that involve medication.

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How to invite positivity into your lifeHow to invite positivity into your life

Out with the old, in with the new.

We are getting a new sofa, so out comes our our old sofa and in comes the new one – with electric recliners.

You see, my old sofa, although it is functioning just as well as when it came into my life, it just isn’t serving me anymore. We have had a good run of times, we have great memories but my needs have changed, and what that sofa provides me hasn’t. I’ve grown and now, it is holding me back. It’s very presence in my life is taking up valuable real-estate that could be the home of something else. I don’t enjoy it any less, but I know there is more out their available to me. So it needs to go, to create room in my life for the electric recliner.

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This has got me thinking about the people we have in our lives; family, friends, those life long friends that are our family, the people we work with. All the people that we spend our most valuable currency on – our time – and how that is making room for growth.

I have made sacrifices to get to where I am, not just my beloved sofa. I had friends that were great fun to be with, and when I was low and needing to be physically dragged out of the house, they were exactly what I needed. They never really had my back though and when I started to put more attention into my business they put it down and, for whatever reasons they had, tried to hold me back. The first time I told them about my business was the last time I socialised with them. How they reacted that day told me so much about them as people and I no longer had any currency left to waste on them.

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I have also had friends and family who have been so excited for me and supportive of me from the start, those are the diamonds left when the sand has been filtered and (I hope) will be in my life forever.

The friends, family members that no longer serve me, no longer occupy masses of my time or thoughts. I still have to engage with some of them at family events and I still enjoy some of their company but I limit the amount of time I spend with people who don’t build me up or give me energy and motivation. The vampires in my life who leave me feeling drained or negative, are no longer major parts of my life, if they are in it at all.

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This purging, distilling, filtering of my social circle has left more room to focus on my business, room for me to forge more valuable connections with the new diamonds I have found, and more energy to look after myself. Room and space I wouldn’t have, energy and time I wouldn’t have if I still had these people in my life.

Are the people or indeed objects in your life serving you? Do they lift your spirits? As Marie Kondo would say, do they bring you joy? If not, then maybe it is time to prune back and allow room for some fresh, new growth.

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Why your past is stopping you shed weight nowWhy your past is stopping you shed weight now

If your mind is hardwired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, why are you unhappy with your weight?

Almost everything we experience in our bodies is related to our beliefs and the connections we have forged to experiences we have gone through. In the amazing book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk explains the connection beautifully but alas, I am no such writer so I will share with you some very summarised case studies from RTT that explain better.

A man who was overweight and extremely unhappy with his life came in to see Marisa Peer for therapy. When he was regressed in every scene he wished he could be bigger. He had older siblings afforded much more freedom, he was bullied, he felt small.

topless man using black cellphone
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This man, as a young boy had made the connection that being small equated to being vulnerable, feeling unsafe and not treated equally. He was always wishing to be ‘bigger’.

Another woman came into that office at a different time, she also wanted help with her weight. This time, when she was regressed she related experiences of sexual abuse and trauma. She was a beautiful young girl who had a lot of attention. She thought to herself as a young child, this wouldn’t happen to me if I were ugly.

Lastly myself, due to my experiences as a child when I was put into care, I was only really shown affection with food. I was fattened up because I needed it and when I felt sad, rather than cuddles and someone to talk to, I was given sweets and chocolate and treats. Nothing I did was ever enough in that house and I was only happy when I was eating.

It’s an interesting and sad statistic that 1:4 women will have experienced some kind of sexual abuse, but it is more interesting still that those 1:4 are twice as likely to become addicted to food.

young girl in despair
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Although every one of these people linked huge pain to being overweight and wanted to be thinner and healthier, they linked a bigger, more visceral pain to the experiences they had as a child. Their amazing child like minds created a solution to the problem they were experiencing as children, but as adults this was still going on their subconsious and they were unable to break the cycle without help.

Through RTT these people, myself included, live healthy amazing lives. We are slim without needing to diet, we make choices that benefit ourselves naturally and we never again feel like we need to be bigger to have the safety, love and security each and every person is worthy of.

Permanent change is possible, but it starts with you. Dieting, surgery, intense exercise plans only change the behaviour, and when you don’t change the belief, that is never a perminant change. Most of the time, we actually link pain to these activities. The muscle pain, feeling hungry, feeling denied. It is only when we change the belief, create that safety and love within ourselves without needing to be big or eat that we can truly be permanently successful.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you achieve permanent success without all of the pain and struggle please book a call with me TODAY. Together we can find freedom from dieting for good!

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