Why we procrastinate and how to get moving again

15th February 2021| thebeliefdistillery| 0 Comment | 3:46 pm

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The chances are, while reading this, you are putting something off right now. We all procrastinate, we put off the difficult or unpleasant tasks until a time we feel we will be more prepared, sometimes though we just don’t know why we can’t seem to get a task done. Here I am going to share with you why that is, and what you can do about it to find motivation right now.

This week, I had a phenominal Hypnotherapy session with a lady who wanted to stop procrastinating. Using RTT to get to the root of her issues and distil her beliefs, ridding everything that was unhelpful and adding new beliefs to help her achieve her goals in life, I learnt something about myself and how I procrastinate too.

This session was so informative for me as well as my client, and some of what was revealed to me is outlined below.

We don’t only procrastinate when it comes to putting off icky like tax returns. There are many reason’s we may not do something important, and sometimes we are affected by more than one of these things at the same time.

For those tasks, understanding how the mind works can easily help you find the motivation to complete it. Did you know, the most successful people in life do the things they hate, FIRST. Getting the unpleasant tasks out of the way at the beginning of the day sets you up for success. You no longer have the thing hanging over your head, you are filled with a sense of achievement that will motivate you throughout the day.

How you perceive the thing is also important, if you are telling yourself, “I have to do my taxes, they are so hard and I hate the paperwork”, your mind, who’s job it is to move you away from pain and towards pleasure, will immediately start working on ways to avoid the pain of doing your tax return.

Just don’t let the Mother-in-Law know you scheduled the zoom call at 8am to get it out of the way!

Another reason we can put off jobs is fear. You are asking yourself, what if I fail? what if I can’t do it? what if I’m not good enough? And you have lots of images in your mind of exactly what would happen in those scenarios. Again, you are telling your mind that doing the thing is going to cause you harm, or has a high likelihood of doing so. Your mind doesn’t care that this is completely untrue, or the chances are four-billion to 1, it believes everything you tell it. You have told it the thing will cause you pain, so it makes sure you have no motivation or inclination to do it, clever hey?

The last reason, is also fear. But this time, it’s a fear of success. That sounds crazy doesn’t it, but the idea of being singled out could terrify someone who was bullied as a child. The idea that money corrupts and that those with money are evil, are going to subconsciously behave in a way that keeps them from having an abundance. The fear of leaving our oldest friends behind as we move forward with our lives. This fear of success and having ‘money blocks’ is holding many of us entrepreneurs back from even taking that first step, let alone the next.

Again, the mind is trying to be our best friend and the best PA, understanding that subconsciously, these thoughts are saying, “I don’t want that”, and doing it’s best to help us avoid it.

If you re-frame these thoughts into a choice, then your mind is less likely to react and help you to stay focused. “I am choosing to do my taxes early, and feel great about knowing they are out of the way for the rest of the day.”

By improving the words and pictures we give ourselves, we can radically change how we feel about things, including how motivated we are. If you feel you have a specific block to moving forward or a fear that is holding you back, you may find that getting to the root and distilling your beliefs is something you wish to try under hypnosis. If procrastination is something you want to work on with yourself, please reach out.

I am currently looking into building a mailing list with useful tips on how you can help yourself improve your levels of motivation. If you would like to be on this list, please drop me an email at melanie.parker@thebeliefdistillery.co.uk

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Combating First Day nervesCombating First Day nerves

My son is starting school, he is brave and confident and can’t wait to make new friends and to be honest, so am I.

Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

But I wasn’t always this way.

For me the first day of school was always thoughts of, “will they like me this year?”, “have I got the right bag?”, “are they going to make fun of my hair this year?” All these questions went through my head and I was so worried that I wouldn’t be liked.

I never was in all honesty – I was always weird and always bullied for it and only ever had a few close friends.

I reinvented myself again and again. I changed my hair, I changed my style but I was always me. A little autistic, more baggage than an airline carrier and an adult, cynical way of looking at the world – just because I changed the packaging didn’t make me less me inside and that was someone who didn’t fit in.

It wasn’t until I changed as a person that I stopped being “weird” and embraced being UNIQUE.

None of us are the same, except for one fear – the fear that we won’t be accepted.

Our tribal ancestors had to work together to survive and if they were ostracised from the group, they would be alone, with no shelter and no food and no way to live.

We are still tribal people, but we don’t need to rely on the people physically closest to us anymore to fill that void. Your tribe can be anywhere in the world, any group of people from any location, speaking almost any language. Thanks to the internet our world is larger than it’s ever been – so what if one person doesn’t like you (I guarantee at least one person doesn’t like you)? They aren’t your people, but you do have people and they are out there.

Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Pexels.com

I did change who I am, I embraced my uniqueness and learnt to love myself. I changed the cynical, negative outlook to one of gratitude and kindness. I stopped looking at peoples failings – including my own, and started celebrating all our achievements. I no longer worry about being a certain way or a certain person, I am me and being myself means that those who do resonate with me and like me, really like me.

Will I be standing at the school gate hoping to make some mum friends and that people will like me? Of course I will, but it hasn’t consumed my thoughts for the past week, it doesn’t worry me that they might not – but it would be nice.

Loving yourself can be the hardest thing to do, we are so used to being our harshest critic, but until you can truly love yourself you will always hold a little of yourself back from others. They can sense that you aren’t being your true self, whether you believe that’s the energy you give off, or the subtle body language and tone used, people can pick up that you are not being yourself, and no one wants a friend that isn’t themselves around them.

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Why you need a purpose in life and how to find itWhy you need a purpose in life and how to find it

Have you ever wondered why you are here? The universe has a reason to express itself through each and every one of us. We all have a use, a purpose and a reason to exist, even though most people will never realise that potential or even find out what that is.

Picture Studios – Fun Family Photography

My purpose is to help people reach their full potential and be the best version of themselves, whether that be not smoking or able to get a vaccination without fear. It is also showing other people just like me, who believed for years that they were helpless and worthless because they weren’t enough to protect their parents, their siblings or themselves when they were children, that they are enough, they are loveable capable worthy people.

For years I worked as an administrator for different companies. I lived on my own when I was 17, had to drop out of college to support myself and got the first admin role I could get, with no loyalty to the company and just working to get paid I wasn’t fulfilled. I tried selling compensation advice under an inspirational and amazing seller who I believe may have actually sold vodka to Russians, but in the time I worked with him I didn’t refer a single claim. I couldn’t sell it and I thought that’s it, I can’t sell anything and went back to working admin jobs in the oil and gas sector. I was getting paid well but not feeling satisfied. I was really good at what I did, but it didn’t excite me and left me wishing for the weekend by Monday lunchtime. The thing is, none of these things could make me happy because none of them were aligned with my purpose for being here. None of them gave me a sense of worth, like I was making a difference, like I mattered. I couldn’t sell compensation advice because I wasn’t passionate about it, it didn’t resonate with me on a core level, nothing to do with my actual ability. Over time, living like this and not following your passion and your purpose can lead to depression, anxiety and other health problems.

An Article in Time Magazine also linked having a purpose to better sleep, strength and immunity. People have more positive lifestyle habits when they have a sense of purpose. Not only is having purpose good for your physical and mental health, but also for your bank balance, people who feel they have a purpose in life tend to also make more money.

Not everyone’s purpose will be linked to a career, it could be a hobby or something you do in your personal life that fulfils you, that satisfies you, that you know you were put on the planet to do.

But if you don’t know what your purpose is, how can you find it?

Marisa Peer teaches that your purpose is linked to what you enjoyed most between the ages of 7 and 14. The point where we are developing our sense of independence and self, but before the ‘practicality’ of life and other peoples opinions have had a chance to shape us. Incidentally I wanted to be a social worker or a teacher at that age (but I also wanted to be an explorer and a mermaid).

Now at this point you could be saying, I love animals and I wanted to be vet when I was 10 but now I’m 40, I can never be a vet. Firstly I would say never say never, but this is a practical reality for most. Let me tell you though, life isn’t that black and white. There are many jobs working with animals, volunteer opportunities, even adopting a rescue animal. There is so much room on the spectrum, so the next question to ask yourself is;

If you went into the doctors today and your doctor told you that you had 5 years to live, your mind and body would work just as they do right now for those 5 years but that would be it – what would you do with the rest of your life? After the travelling and spending time with loved ones, what would you do for you? You may be surprised how quickly some of the barriers and thoughts that were previously there can be circumvented when you have a time limit.

As well as helping people overcome negative habits, feelings and beliefs, I also help people find their purpose, answering these questions and more through hypnotherapy and RTT. We all have a gift, a talent that we are meant to share with the world and I want to help everyone live their best life and fulfil their potential.

I would love to hear from you. What did you want to be when you grew up? What would you do with only 5 years left? Please add your answers in the comments.

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Anxious about going out? 3 easy steps to get you out of lockdownAnxious about going out? 3 easy steps to get you out of lockdown

Before lockdown were you a social butterfly? Maybe not, but still you enjoyed going for drinks with friends and thought nothing of going to the hairdressers. You have spent 12 months looking forward to things going back to ‘normal’ and now there is a light at the end of the tunnel and soon we will be able to do all the things we have longed for. Now the excitement from the announcements has subsided you are faced with the reality of going out again, and now you aren’t so sure. Just like a lot people, you are feeling anxious about going out again.

You are not alone, although it is too soon to have any data on anxiety related to lockdown easing, there is plenty to suggest the Coronavirus pandemic has had a negative impact on our mental health as you can see in the below graph from ONS

Anecdotally, many of my friends and family have expressed concerns around socialising again, feeling worried or anxious about being in social situations. These anxieties range from getting used to larger groups again, being in close contact with service professionals and just generally leaving the house.

If any of this is true for you, if your stomach churns at the idea of going for a meal, if you break out in a sweat at the thought of going to the hairdresser or your breathing becomes shallow and fast just thinking about going clothes shopping; then I am going to guide you through how you can prepare your mind right now to make these things not only easier, but fun again!

Change how you describe feeling anxious

The founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy®, Marisa Peer, told me a story about two fabulous interviews in a popular music magazine. One was with Bruce Springsteen and the other was with Carli Simons. In the Springsteen interview, he was asked a question along the lines of how he is still touring at his age and giving 150% on stage. He explained that it is like a life-force to him. Before he gets on stage he is so EXCITED. His breathing quickens, he has insane butterflies like they are trying to escape, his heart rate increases and he is literally vibrating with energy. He can’t wait to get out on that stage.

Carly Simon was asked a question focusing on why she no longer performs live, and she responded that she would feel her heart rate and breathing get fast, she would feel sick with her stomach churning, and she just knew she was having a massive PANIC ATTACK.

Now go back and read those two descriptions of what it felt like to them both again, notice that they feel exactly the same! The only difference is what each person told themselves those symptoms meant. Your brain is like a sponge, it really doesn’t care if what you are telling it is helpful or unhelpful, it just soaks it up and believes it. From right now, start telling yourself these are feelings of excitement, it doesn’t matter if you feel like a fraud, because the mind doesn’t care if you believe it right now. The more you tell yourself you are excited, the more your brilliant mind will start to take it in and believe it.

2. Stop owning it and give it a new name

How do you refer to the feelings of anxiety you have? If you are constantly saying to yourself or others, “I would do the thing, if only it wasn’t for MY anxiety”?

When we possess anxiety (or any other condition) this way, we are making it part of us. We are saying that we want to rid ourselves of it, but also claiming it back – often in the same sentence. This contradicting talk doesn’t sit well in the mind, it can not handle conflicting beliefs, so it will go with the most familiar feeling that has had the most repetition and ‘air-time’ in our mind – usually the anxiety.

Once the anxiety is no longer part of you, it is much easier for your mind to let it go.

It is normal to feel some anxiety or worry in certain situations, it is an important emotion that keeps us safe when it is appropriate. It will continue to be appropriate for some time to feel a degree of worry around certain social or busy situations. This is what your body is supposed to do to keep you safe but this emotion has a spectrum.

There is a tendency in today’s culture to hyperbolise everything we feel. Nothing is fine anymore, it is awesome. We don’t have bad days at work, our jobs are killing us. We aren’t a little stressed out by are children, they are driving us crazy. These metaphors make for great story telling, but they aren’t helpful when we are talking to ourselves.

Remember, I mentioned the mind doesn’t care if what we are telling it is helpful or unhelpful, it just lets it in. Well emotive mental pictures like this are it’s favourite food and it will believe these emotionally charged words more than any logic, and worse than that, will start to make those images your reality.

So just as we assign a new word to the physical feelings, rather than exacerbate our language we also need to understate the words we use to describe our emotions as well. We may well feel highly anxious or that our children are driving us crazy, but if we flip that to the lowest possible denominator we left saying, “I’m a little nervous“, “I’m finding the children challenging today” or “I dislike my job”. We take the fuel out of the fire.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

3. Do it anyway

Look ahead to when we can finally do these things, and picture yourself doing them. Picture talking to your friends and going out for lunch or whatever it is you are feeling nervous about doing again and when the time comes, do it.

Have you ever been getting ready for a night out thinking, “I can’t be bothered tonight” but then got out the door and had a wonderful evening? This is exactly that situation. Our minds like what is familiar and over the last 12 months we have made sitting on the sofa every night in our pjs by 8pm familiar. It is normal, natural and indeed expected that our minds have adapted and now the unfamiliar idea of going out seems a little worrying. By doing it anyway, time and time again, we are changing that wiring and making what used to be our every day lives, familiar again.

As always, if you feel you need further help with feelings of anxiety, please speak to your healthcare professional. I am not a doctor and this in no way replaces any medical advice you have received.

If you have other triggers around anxiety and would like to explore ways to help put these ideas into practice, hypnotherapy is a fantastic complimentary way to heal past trauma’s that have caused triggers for anxious thoughts or feelings in your mind. Please follow me to stay updated with my journey and reach out if you would like specific help and advice.

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