The Belief Distillery Melanie Parker Hypnotherapy Uncategorized Why your depressed and what you can do about it – Part 1

Why your depressed and what you can do about it – Part 1

You have stopped yelling or getting mad at all at the family. The kids aren’t driving you crazy, you feel crazy already. You can’t be bothered to cook so you think about ordering yet another takeaway. Your children depend on you, you have a job to do, a partner to care for and a home to keep up. You don’t have time to be depressed.

Recent research conducted by the mental health charity Mind has found that 1 in every 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in any given year. 

A recent study also found that women are more likely to experience mental health difficulties than men. Their research found that 1 in 5 women have reported symptoms of common mental health disorders, whereas 1 in 8 men have done the same.*

The past 12 months has been nothing like an ordinary year, and although no data is available, it would be fair to assume these figures have been turned on their head.

So what causes depression? Why is it affecting women more than men? What can you do to guard yourself against depression or cure yourself if ‘the black dog’ surfaces?

In this video Marisa Peer teaches us that depression has three main causes:

  • Harsh, hurtful things we say to ourselves
  • Not following our hearts desire
  • Being disconnected from society.

I have written an earlier post regarding the impact of the hurtful, harsh criticism we give ourselves, with advice on how to dialogue with yourself better. If you haven’t read it already, I urge you to here.

Not following our hearts desire, having those deep regrets in our lives that follow us to our death bed, these are the things we do to ourselves, for whatever reason, that cause us to be depressed.

“I would have gone to medical school if I hadn’t had children, I still wish I was a doctor”

“I loved acting, but as soon as I picked my GCSE’s my parents told me it was silly”

“I love animals, I would love a dog if my partner wasn’t allergic”

I’m not going to tell you to get a divorce if you love dogs and your partner doesn’t, but you could volunteer to walk other peoples dogs, or at an animal sanctuary.

Photo by Alou00efs Moubax on

You may not be able to get a medical degree, but could you do something else to help people?

There are lots of ways to incorporate your passion into your life (I always wanted to help people such as teach or be a social worker or counsellor, so here I am at 32 training to become a hypnotherapist, sharing my knowledge with you, wonderful reader).

The final cause of depression, Being disconnected from people, is something that has impacted us all. Our need for society, to contribute, to have human connection, is something we have felt so keenly over the last 12 months. We long for physical contact, to get back to our jobs, to feel valuable. Mother’s like myself, who love their children and understand completely they contribute (and boy do we contribute), have had other parts of who we are and how we define ourselves severed completely. Loneliness is a killer, we knew this before but now it feels even more relevant. But there is hope!

Some of our sense of connection comes from social media; but rather than spending 45 minutes browsing groups, why not check if any of your friends are online and have a quick catch up. Make a cuppa and have a video call. Even if you don’t talk much because it doesn’t feel there is anything to say, just sharing that space for 5 minutes and knowing you are not alone can mean the world to you both.

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Do you know someone who is shielding, could you run errands for them. Even a quick hello (at least a meter apart with a mask on), knowing you have helped make someone’s life easier and better can make all the difference to your mental health. If your passion is animals, you could walk someone’s dog if they are unable to get out themselves at the moment, any small act that creates or enhances our sense of community is going to do wonders for your mental health and those around you. Even knowing that you are helping your community every time you wash your hands, every time you create space and each and every time you cover your face, you are contributing to your community and the health of everyone.

Depression is a very real issue that is being overshadowed by the Coronavirus pandemic, it is affecting each and every one of us. If you feel you need extra help, please reach out for help; Call your GP or book an appointment with an RTT hypnotherapist.

Next week, I’ll be coving other ways we can help prevent depression through what we eat and how we nourish our bodies.

*From <>


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The biggest dieting mistakes we have all madeThe biggest dieting mistakes we have all made

We all make mistakes when it comes to dieting, but some are more common than others. Here are the biggest mistakes that we have all made at one point or another – read on to find out how you can avoid them!​

When starting a new diet, a lot of us tend to go through our cupboards and take out everything we feel we “can’t have”. We cleans our homes and remove temptation, which isn’t a bad thing in itself, but what are you saying to yourself while you do this?

clear glass jars on white wooden shelf
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If you are saying you must get it out of the house so it doesn’t tempt you, you are telling yourself that food is more powerful than you are. That you have no control and, although that simply isn’t true, your mind believes this. Equally, when you tell yourself you “aren’t allowed” certain foods, your subconsious feels that your liberty and agency is being taken away, something that as human beings, we really don’t like. We instinctively push back when we are told not to do something and to our subconsious this is no less true when talking about restricting our food.

When purging your cupboards or feel tempted by certain foods, tell yourself you are throwing out the rubbish that no longer serves you. You are purging your home of things that don’t align with your goal and you feel amazing and excited about the changes you are making.

When you feel tempted by food, remind yourself that you have control over your eating, and choosing to eat healthily. You are choosing to put healthy, delicious fuel in your body over rubbish and you feel amazing about it. You are empowered by the healthy choices you are making.

woman in yellow dress sitting on chair
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The next mistake we often make is talking about how much weight we want to lose. How much we have lost. Losing weight.

Think about loss, losing your keys. Losing your money, your house, a loved one. Loss is a negative emotion and causes pain. Whether it’s the minor annoyance at losing your keys, or deep grief and distress at losing a person, your amazing mind’s job is to move away from pain and towards pleasure, and it does it amazingly well. The problem is that, just like an excited puppy that wants to please you, everything is black and white. Just in the same way that you can’t say to a puppy jumping on the sofa is bad unless it’s the weekend, you can’t tell your mind that loss is bad, except when you are talking about your weight.

the good news is, now you are aware of this, it is easy to chose to stop talking about loss when you are referring to your weight goals and use language that doesn’t have your mind working overtime against you. Some good examples to get you started are “shedding weight”, “I am reducing”, “Getting rid of the excess”. What would you tell yourself?

The last mistake all of us been on this journey before make, is when the diet fails.

I used to beat myself up and feel a failure. I felt guilty and ashamed I couldn’t do something that so many others seemed to find so easy. Diets aren’t designed to work with our human brain. It is a regime based on logic, but as humans we spend 90% of our time living in a world interpreted by our emotions.

If this isn’t your first attempt, or even your second, it’s not your fault. Reducing weight, often means finding the reason you have the weight in the first place and removing it. Through RTT I guide my clients to see the reason why they haven’t succeeded previously and remove the old, unhelpful beliefs around food. I then install the right beliefs, that serve my clients to reach their goals. Whether that be a becoming fitter and healthier for their children, to feel sexier and more confident or to wear the clothes they want to wear.

Using RTT I have given clients the freedom to be the slim, sexy confident, energetic person they were born to be for good.

If you are ready to ditch the diets, and be free from the restrictions that have been holding you back, I want to help. Book a call with me today so we can discuss your specific goals and how we can use RTT to help you achieve them. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and confident in your own skin- let me show you how it’s done!


How to do Valentines in LockdownHow to do Valentines in Lockdown

For the last year we have spent almost every waking moment together. Every evening we eat together, put our children to bed together and sit on the sofa together. With Valentines Day approaching fast, I have been racking my brain to find ways to make the evening special, when all of the usual ways we would celebrate are not available to us.

Even if you have not been able to be with your partner during lockdown, and are facing a Valentines spent on webchat, please read on as these ideas are perfect for you too.

I have spent hours, pawing over Pinterest, looking at recipes and Etsy shops only to realise that with us both home 23 hours a day that I was going to have to up my game, at the same time feeling stressed, exhausted and having nothing to wear! I know I’m not alone in this situation, so I have created this Lockdown Valentines List to make your night wonderful and a little out of the ordinary ‘Netflix and Chill’ but as easy as possible.

The Card:

MAKE YOUR PARTNER A CARD. I cannot stress enough how important this is. I don’t care if you think you can’t draw or you suck at art, and neither does your partner. It is all about time and effort to make something small for the person you love.

 If you still find this a scary concept or have no idea where to start, I have found so many ideas perfect for everyone, from novices through to the craftiest of us. You can see all my card making pins here.

The Gift

Since Lockdown, you haven’t been able to purchase a new pair of shoes or  bike part without your partner knowing everything about it, the idea of not just buying but wrapping a gift for my husband is sending me into a spin. This year, we have decided to get a joint gift.

Of course, the most important gift we can give each other is our time, so put down the devices (unless you are communicating on them) and give your partner the very best of you.

It’s all in the preparation

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Have a long shower or a bath, make sure you are feeling your best. Get dressed up as if you were going out together and make the effort. Even though you may not be going much further than the dining room, getting dressed up tells your mind it is going to be a special evening and you are more naturally inclined to behave as though you are on a date.

The Meal:

Rather than eating with the family (5pm and a battle over vegetables in our home), Order takeaway or an oven-ready meal for yourselves. You have just cooked and washed up after your tiny humans, the last thing you want is to have to do that again, not to mention that you don’t want to spend your date in the kitchen.

Yes, a wonderful meal was important in 2019, but half the country can’t even taste their food right now; spend the evening together.

You can make it special by laying a table cloth, serving the meal on plates (even if it’s McDonalds). And if you are doing this via webchat, order your meals ahead for the same time and find a restaurant background for your chat. Source pictures from your favourite restaurants website or you could set out an indoor picnic or day at a theme park.

Photo by Burak K on

The most important thing is, unless you require your technology to communicate at this time, everything should be put down. COMMUNICATE and BE PRESENT with your partner, even if you do nothing else in this list, be together, not just inhabit the same space.

The Evening

Photo by cottonbro on

Take these ideas as far as you feel comfortable with and remember the most important thing is you are making time to communicate with your partner and mindfully be with them.

I’m almost certain over the last few months, you have watched every movie there is together so please don’t spend yet another night on the sofa, at least, not in front of a film.

If you are spending your Valentines date on webchat, then my favourite idea is to check out some of the games available either through your webchat provider, or via a third party such as JackBox. Or, if you both have a copy of the same game in the cupboard, why not go old school and play a board game together while you talk?

If you are together, then all the better. Get out the board games and find something to play together to keep you talking. Remember NO PHONES.

Implement some forfeits into your game to bring you closer together, think ideas such as truth or dare, losing items of clothing or revealing a kinky fantasy.

If you can’t meet in person, then I’m sure you have already found some creative ways to feel connected. There are also some toys you can play with over the internet so you and your partner can have the control to each others sensations.

Aromatherapy massage

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Massage oils are relatively easy to come by on line, this one is my favourite, but you can find what works for you.

There are loads of tutorials on YouTube, pick one that resonates with you and remember to have fun.

If you don’t feel very confident, even with no experience, just lightly gliding your hands over your partners body will bring you closer together and feel amazing. Remember this isn’t a serious, solemn experience, talk and laugh with your partner while your touch them….A word of warning though about getting carried away – switch to a good water based lubricant before moving anywhere sensitive.

Talking of anywhere sensitive, if the plan is to get carried away, why not try something more mindful than your usual play time.

Yoni massage – How To Give A Yoni Massage: A 12 Step Guide To Make It Life-Changing (

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Lingham massage – How to Give an Out-Of-This-World Lingam Massage (

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Some of these ideas may not be new to you, some of them may even seem a little shocking, but being in love is about having fun. That is if you have been together a few months, or married for years. Make Valentines 2021 about fun and togetherness and that feeling will stay with you, and help carry you both into the spring with smiles on your faces.


Why your past is stopping you shed weight nowWhy your past is stopping you shed weight now

If your mind is hardwired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, why are you unhappy with your weight?

Almost everything we experience in our bodies is related to our beliefs and the connections we have forged to experiences we have gone through. In the amazing book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk explains the connection beautifully but alas, I am no such writer so I will share with you some very summarised case studies from RTT that explain better.

A man who was overweight and extremely unhappy with his life came in to see Marisa Peer for therapy. When he was regressed in every scene he wished he could be bigger. He had older siblings afforded much more freedom, he was bullied, he felt small.

topless man using black cellphone
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This man, as a young boy had made the connection that being small equated to being vulnerable, feeling unsafe and not treated equally. He was always wishing to be ‘bigger’.

Another woman came into that office at a different time, she also wanted help with her weight. This time, when she was regressed she related experiences of sexual abuse and trauma. She was a beautiful young girl who had a lot of attention. She thought to herself as a young child, this wouldn’t happen to me if I were ugly.

Lastly myself, due to my experiences as a child when I was put into care, I was only really shown affection with food. I was fattened up because I needed it and when I felt sad, rather than cuddles and someone to talk to, I was given sweets and chocolate and treats. Nothing I did was ever enough in that house and I was only happy when I was eating.

It’s an interesting and sad statistic that 1:4 women will have experienced some kind of sexual abuse, but it is more interesting still that those 1:4 are twice as likely to become addicted to food.

young girl in despair
Photo by Meruyert Gonullu on

Although every one of these people linked huge pain to being overweight and wanted to be thinner and healthier, they linked a bigger, more visceral pain to the experiences they had as a child. Their amazing child like minds created a solution to the problem they were experiencing as children, but as adults this was still going on their subconsious and they were unable to break the cycle without help.

Through RTT these people, myself included, live healthy amazing lives. We are slim without needing to diet, we make choices that benefit ourselves naturally and we never again feel like we need to be bigger to have the safety, love and security each and every person is worthy of.

Permanent change is possible, but it starts with you. Dieting, surgery, intense exercise plans only change the behaviour, and when you don’t change the belief, that is never a perminant change. Most of the time, we actually link pain to these activities. The muscle pain, feeling hungry, feeling denied. It is only when we change the belief, create that safety and love within ourselves without needing to be big or eat that we can truly be permanently successful.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you achieve permanent success without all of the pain and struggle please book a call with me TODAY. Together we can find freedom from dieting for good!