The Belief Distillery Melanie Parker Hypnotherapy About Mel,Healthy lifestyle Why you need a purpose in life and how to find it

Why you need a purpose in life and how to find it

Have you ever wondered why you are here? The universe has a reason to express itself through each and every one of us. We all have a use, a purpose and a reason to exist, even though most people will never realise that potential or even find out what that is.

My purpose is to help people reach their full potential and be the best version of themselves, whether that be not smoking or able to get a vaccination without fear. It is also showing other people just like me, who believed for years that they were helpless and worthless because they weren’t enough to protect their parents, their siblings or themselves when they were children, that they are enough, they are loveable capable worthy people.

For years I worked as an administrator for different companies. I lived on my own when I was 17, had to drop out of college to support myself and got the first admin role I could get, with no loyalty to the company and just working to get paid I wasn’t fulfilled. I tried selling compensation advice under an inspirational and amazing seller who I believe may have actually sold vodka to Russians, but in the time I worked with him I didn’t refer a single claim. I couldn’t sell it and I thought that’s it, I can’t sell anything and went back to working admin jobs in the oil and gas sector. I was getting paid well but not feeling satisfied. I was really good at what I did, but it didn’t excite me and left me wishing for the weekend by Monday lunchtime. The thing is, none of these things could make me happy because none of them were aligned with my purpose for being here. None of them gave me a sense of worth, like I was making a difference, like I mattered. I couldn’t sell compensation advice because I wasn’t passionate about it, it didn’t resonate with me on a core level, nothing to do with my actual ability. Over time, living like this and not following your passion and your purpose can lead to depression, anxiety and other health problems.

An Article in Time Magazine also linked having a purpose to better sleep, strength and immunity. People have more positive lifestyle habits when they have a sense of purpose. Not only is having purpose good for your physical and mental health, but also for your bank balance, people who feel they have a purpose in life tend to also make more money.

Not everyone’s purpose will be linked to a career, it could be a hobby or something you do in your personal life that fulfils you, that satisfies you, that you know you were put on the planet to do.

But if you don’t know what your purpose is, how can you find it?

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Marisa Peer teaches that your purpose is linked to what you enjoyed most between the ages of 7 and 14. The point where we are developing our sense of independence and self, but before the ‘practicality’ of life and other peoples opinions have had a chance to shape us. Incidentally I wanted to be a social worker or a teacher at that age (but I also wanted to be an explorer and a mermaid).

Now at this point you could be saying, I love animals and I wanted to be vet when I was 10 but now I’m 40, I can never be a vet. Firstly I would say never say never, but this is a practical reality for most. Let me tell you though, life isn’t that black and white. There are many jobs working with animals, volunteer opportunities, even adopting a rescue animal. There is so much room on the spectrum, so the next question to ask yourself is;

If you went into the doctors today and your doctor told you that you had 5 years to live, your mind and body would work just as they do right now for those 5 years but that would be it – what would you do with the rest of your life? After the travelling and spending time with loved ones, what would you do for you? You may be surprised how quickly some of the barriers and thoughts that were previously there can be circumvented when you have a time limit.

As well as helping people overcome negative habits, feelings and beliefs, I also help people find their purpose, answering these questions and more through hypnotherapy and RTT. We all have a gift, a talent that we are meant to share with the world and I want to help everyone live their best life and fulfil their potential.

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I would love to hear from you. What did you want to be when you grew up? What would you do with only 5 years left? Please add your answers in the comments.


Related Post

Why I started a BlogWhy I started a Blog

So What, I’m going to become a Rapid Transformational Therapist, why should you care or even read this, it’s not even like I’m fully qualified yet?

I have learnt not only how my mind works, but how YOUR Mind works. I have created this blog to share with you a few of the lessons I have learnt along the way.

I have completed and passed all my written and theory learning and am at present working towards my practical assessment. This puts me in the position that I have gained an amazing wealth of topics with no one to share that with. I want to start helping you today with issues such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Sleep problems / Insomnia
  • Weight Management
  • Performance blocks

To be honest, over the coming weeks and months I aim to cover a wealth of topics to enrich your life and help you overcome the obstacles holding you back, and when I qualify you will be in the best place to hear the good news and take advantage of some amazing offers.


person holding scarf on her back

Shedding the Winter CoatShedding the Winter Coat

Did you, like millions of others, fatten up more than just the turkey this Christmas? With the stress, the parties, the buffets, the adverts and scents of Christmas it isn’t any wonder.

Strangely enough this is a survival instinct gone wild, that originated with our tribal, hunter gatherer ancestors. But how can that be when they didn’t even celebrate Christmas like we do?

Even so, the need to fatten up for winter is written into our DNA. Food was more scarce, requiring more energy to find. What could be found wasn’t as nutritious, therefore storing enough fuel to see you through (fat) was essential. This biological coding is still in your amazing mind and it is still reacting to it, creating this need even though food is even more readily available this time of year – causing you to subconsciously want to over-eat.

young woman with boxes while moving out of old home
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By reminding yourself that this is redundant code, that you can eat whatever you like, whenever you like and food is always available actually helps overwrite it. You can check in with yourself before you finish off the last of the selection boxes and ask yourself if you are really hungry – or just eating it because it’s in front of you? Better yet, as we all head back to work, take those selection boxes with you and pass them out at the office you generous soul you (while helping you to reach your goals).

Speaking of food being in front of you, seeing food can actually increase your appetite by a whopping 30%. Not just real food like the mountainous buffet your aunt held for New Year or all the sides laid out at the Christmas table, but also adverts on TV, bus stops, billboards. They all tap into the emotional need to treat yourself and celebrate and they are full of sugar and fat. Going into the shop and seeing it all is bad enough, but then you can smell the cinnamon and spice smells they are pumping through the store. This can set anyone into a constant craving binge where you find you haven’t gone an hour without eating something!

You can’t remove the adverts or live in a hole, but remind yourself again, that food is always available and you are choosing to eat only what you need and stop when you are full. There will be more food. The endless parties can increase the amount of food we see as a portion, so now the festive period is over, it’s best to check again that you are eating the right size servings again.

Eating slower is also a great way to give your incredible brain time to catch up and tell your stomach when it has has enough, so put the knife and fork down between mouthfuls and you will effortless find yourself eating less.

So that covers the buffets and the parties, but now it’s January, we are waking up to the financial headache Christmas and rising bills is fueling and we are more stressed than ever. Going back to our wonderful, hunter gatherer ancestors, when they were stressed a great deal of energy was expelled. Either they fought, they ran or they hid until they could run. The cortisol left their bodies and they felt the urge to refuel. Now, we get stressed and we cannot run, we cannot fight, we cannot hide. We find other ways to sooth ourselves that worked when we needed soothing as children, we eat sweets, we eat chocolate and ice-cream. Carbs and vending machine fodder. Then when the cortisol finally leaves our body, the chemical reaction still tells us we need to refuel and therefore we eat more. If you are an emotional eater, this call to sugar is even louder!

woman squatting on ground while raising both hands
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By finding healthier coping mechanisms and ways to release stress, you can overwrite this coding as well. Nothing in the mind is permanent and it can be affectively changed. By finding ways to relief stress that don’t involve eating (or putting anything else in your body) and asking yourself before you grab a bag of crisps, “Am I hungry, or do I just want to eat?” You can start to notice the patterns and give yourself what you really need instead.

So you can see now how we are wired to fatten up for winter, but how we can change that wiring, update that programming and give ourselves the best start to 2023.

For more bespoke advice, click here to get a FREE Personalised Cheat Sheet specific to your needs.

If there is anything else you would like me to cover, please reach out and let me know in the comments section – I love hearing your views and want to make this as useful a space as possible!

Love Mel x


It’s okay to not show upIt’s okay to not show up

I have missed writing these past two weeks, but I have felt the need to step back, so I did and I’m not sorry.

You see, I needed to spring clean my home, where my husband and I raise my son who is almost four, my daughter who is almost two and look after our wonderful black lab. As you can imagine, after a winter in lockdown, there were some jobs that needed to be done that just haven’t been possible with studying, working and writing to you wonderful people and so something had to give, and this was it.

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At first I really believed that, like Dr. Strange or Bernard with his watch, that I was fully capable of making it happen, that I could do everything and we would all be happy but after the first day, it occurred to me that despite popular opinion, I am not superwoman. Even with the help of my amazing and very involved (when not recovering from surgery) husband I just couldn’t keep on top of the regular cleaning and laundry, feeding and entertaining children, walking the dog and studying while trying to do all the extra cleaning I need to do. I would start each morning with amazing intentions, work at a million miles an hour and then burn out before passing out on the sofa and certainly not doing any of the husband and wife things, let alone planning, researching and writing a blog.

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I’ve been in similar situations when I was younger, it may have been more socialising than housework but the need to do everything and be everything to everyone is the same. Before I would feel guilty about letting people down, I would tell myself how I was a bad friend, lazy, not good enough and in the end it made me quite unwell.

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I would say “yes” to anything that my friends asked, Do I fancy going out at 11pm when I’m in my pj’s already, of course, just give me half an hour. Your ex posted something on facebook on a school night and you need someone to eat ice-cream with, of course the door is open. If you are reading this thinking you can relate I have one piece of advice for you…Say “No” occassionally.

Now I have grown in more ways than one, I know that speaking to myself like that is not helpful. I am an amazing friend, and now I value myself and my time more and can say no, I am an even better friend, because when I say “yes” I have the energy and capacity to be fully present and involved. I am certainly good enough. I am not superwoman although I am a phenominal woman.

This realisation definitely makes it easier to say “no”, because I know now that it really doesn’t matter. If I decline a night out, I’m not going to lose friends over it. My friends, and indeed your friends won’t hold it against you forever. In fact they may respect you for it. When you say “no” to others, what you are really saying is “yes” to yourself. Giving your batteries time to recharge or do something that is important to you means that when you do say “yes” to others, they get the best of you, not the rest of you.

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