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Watch Julie Elves and I Discuss how you can improve your self talk today
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It’s okay to not show upIt’s okay to not show up
I have missed writing these past two weeks, but I have felt the need to step back, so I did and I’m not sorry.
You see, I needed to spring clean my home, where my husband and I raise my son who is almost four, my daughter who is almost two and look after our wonderful black lab. As you can imagine, after a winter in lockdown, there were some jobs that needed to be done that just haven’t been possible with studying, working and writing to you wonderful people and so something had to give, and this was it.
At first I really believed that, like Dr. Strange or Bernard with his watch, that I was fully capable of making it happen, that I could do everything and we would all be happy but after the first day, it occurred to me that despite popular opinion, I am not superwoman. Even with the help of my amazing and very involved (when not recovering from surgery) husband I just couldn’t keep on top of the regular cleaning and laundry, feeding and entertaining children, walking the dog and studying while trying to do all the extra cleaning I need to do. I would start each morning with amazing intentions, work at a million miles an hour and then burn out before passing out on the sofa and certainly not doing any of the husband and wife things, let alone planning, researching and writing a blog.
I’ve been in similar situations when I was younger, it may have been more socialising than housework but the need to do everything and be everything to everyone is the same. Before I would feel guilty about letting people down, I would tell myself how I was a bad friend, lazy, not good enough and in the end it made me quite unwell.
I would say “yes” to anything that my friends asked, Do I fancy going out at 11pm when I’m in my pj’s already, of course, just give me half an hour. Your ex posted something on facebook on a school night and you need someone to eat ice-cream with, of course the door is open. If you are reading this thinking you can relate I have one piece of advice for you…Say “No” occassionally.
Now I have grown in more ways than one, I know that speaking to myself like that is not helpful. I am an amazing friend, and now I value myself and my time more and can say no, I am an even better friend, because when I say “yes” I have the energy and capacity to be fully present and involved. I am certainly good enough. I am not superwoman although I am a phenominal woman.
This realisation definitely makes it easier to say “no”, because I know now that it really doesn’t matter. If I decline a night out, I’m not going to lose friends over it. My friends, and indeed your friends won’t hold it against you forever. In fact they may respect you for it. When you say “no” to others, what you are really saying is “yes” to yourself. Giving your batteries time to recharge or do something that is important to you means that when you do say “yes” to others, they get the best of you, not the rest of you.
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Unlock your confidence and empower yourself by answering 4 simple questions.Unlock your confidence and empower yourself by answering 4 simple questions.
I lost myself, and my confidence, direction and self-belief on the way, but I found it again and more and I’m going to show you how.
Things have been changing for me lately, a lot! My youngest (and last!!!) baby has started school, we lost our family dog Layla during the Summer and I’ve taken a step back and really asked myself the following questions to find my footing and gain confidence in myself again:
- Who am I now?
- Who do I want to be?
- What is important to me right now?
- What do I stand for?
Okay, maybe they aren’t that simple?
I’m going to be totally honest, I didn’t have a clue. It’s okay to not have a clue. They are big questions that most of us don’t ask ourselves often enough? Most people don’t know the answers, that is why there is a billion pound industry dedicated to life coaches, books on finding your purpose and you tube videos. While researching this article I came across a TEDEX talk on how to find your life purpose in 5 minutes with over 19million views! So if your sitting there reading this, have confidence you aren’t alone.
Navigating the changes in my life felt like crossing an ocean. I felt adrift in a sea of chaos just being cast from one shipwreck to the next with no chance to get back on course, constantly fighting the current and becoming exhausted. So I did what they tell you do if you are caught out at sea, I stopped trying to swim and floated.
I took some time away and really answered these questions, and I know that who I am now, in September, is a different person I was before school broke up in May. Not unrecognizable, but subtle shifts in what is important and remembering why I started a hypnotherapy business, what I want to be remembered for and the change I want to see in the world. My confidence has developed further than it was before and I believe in myself again.
I value honesty, kindness and compassion above all else. Everyone has the capacity for kindness. I didn’t think I did once – I was hurt and thought all I would ever be capable of was hurting those around me. I still have moments like that, but I know they aren’t true, they aren’t even my words. They are a belief that a small child formed to understand the world she was subjected to and aren’t relevant to me today. Remembering that and to take my meds…actually better do that excuse me!!!
I am not perfect, and I am perfectly okay with that (most of the time). If you think about it, wouldn’t it be strange if we met someone in our lives who was perfect? We would be freaked out like they were an android or something because there is no such thing in nature as perfection. Sometimes it’s the flaws we perceive in ourselves, that often make us the most endearing to others.
That is who I am, that is what is important to me and that is what I want people to remember about me and that is what I am going to live, my true authentic self. I have a compass again and feel confident navigating the next part of my journey.
I am happier and more at ease in myself, I’m calmer and more understanding with my children. More confident in my parenting. They are happy to see me and want to play with me. I feel empowered and capable because, I may not have a detailed map – but I have a clear heading.
To find your confidence and what’s really important to you as you move forward in life, I will be breaking down these questions over the next few weeks in my Free Newsletter. Subscribers will gain direction and empowerment in who they are by working through the steps. To get this exclusive content completely free, subscribe below.
Eat up to 30% less food with 1 easy stepEat up to 30% less food with 1 easy step
How often do you say things to yourself or those around you like:
- “I’m Starving”
- “I’m Ravenous”
- “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse”?
I used to say them to myself all the time, especially around that 3pm afternoon lol. I would be starving. And when I did eat, I finished my plate and sometimes had second helpings, but a little while later I would feel bloated, uncomfortable and lethargic. I ate like a starving person, but the truth is I am far from Starving.
In the Western world, very few people are. The ONS (Office for National Statistics) showed that in the UK 391 people died from malnutrition in 2015, however the recent figures show about 30,000 people will die from obesity related diseases each year.
The biggest issue is, our brain doesn’t receive logic based information on the same, powerful level that it receives emotion based information. So although you logically know that you are not starving, the emotions overrule this and cause chemical changes that block the stomachs signal to your brain that you are full. Your subconsious is trying to keep you alive by making you eat more and ensuring that you do not starve.
So you keep eating, way beyond when your stomach is telling you to stop and you feel uncomfortable and bloated and lethargic because your body is having to work harder to digest it and lay down fat.
By making a simple, easy change to how we speak to ourselves and others about food we can prevent ourselves from over-eating and enjoy the benefits of being slimmer, healthier and having more energy.
Stop using hyperbolic language and be honest with yourself. You are not starving. You are not experiencing famine. When you feel hungry say these phrases instead,
“I’m peckish”
“I could eat soon”
“I could use a bite to eat”
These phrases are a lot less emotive and have no negative affect on your mind. There is no conflict in the mind and there is no need for it to cause you to eat in excess, leaving you free to only want to eat the amounts of food your body needs and can use and live a slimmer, healthier more energetic life.
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