The Belief Distillery Melanie Parker Hypnotherapy About Mel Watch Julie Elves and I Discuss how you can improve your self talk today

Watch Julie Elves and I Discuss how you can improve your self talk today

for more interviews like this with Julie, join her over at her Facebook group UNLEASH YOUR LIONESS – Be a Fearless, Strong and Confident Woman! | Facebook


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It’s okay to not show upIt’s okay to not show up

I have missed writing these past two weeks, but I have felt the need to step back, so I did and I’m not sorry.

You see, I needed to spring clean my home, where my husband and I raise my son who is almost four, my daughter who is almost two and look after our wonderful black lab. As you can imagine, after a winter in lockdown, there were some jobs that needed to be done that just haven’t been possible with studying, working and writing to you wonderful people and so something had to give, and this was it.

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At first I really believed that, like Dr. Strange or Bernard with his watch, that I was fully capable of making it happen, that I could do everything and we would all be happy but after the first day, it occurred to me that despite popular opinion, I am not superwoman. Even with the help of my amazing and very involved (when not recovering from surgery) husband I just couldn’t keep on top of the regular cleaning and laundry, feeding and entertaining children, walking the dog and studying while trying to do all the extra cleaning I need to do. I would start each morning with amazing intentions, work at a million miles an hour and then burn out before passing out on the sofa and certainly not doing any of the husband and wife things, let alone planning, researching and writing a blog.

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I’ve been in similar situations when I was younger, it may have been more socialising than housework but the need to do everything and be everything to everyone is the same. Before I would feel guilty about letting people down, I would tell myself how I was a bad friend, lazy, not good enough and in the end it made me quite unwell.

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I would say “yes” to anything that my friends asked, Do I fancy going out at 11pm when I’m in my pj’s already, of course, just give me half an hour. Your ex posted something on facebook on a school night and you need someone to eat ice-cream with, of course the door is open. If you are reading this thinking you can relate I have one piece of advice for you…Say “No” occassionally.

Now I have grown in more ways than one, I know that speaking to myself like that is not helpful. I am an amazing friend, and now I value myself and my time more and can say no, I am an even better friend, because when I say “yes” I have the energy and capacity to be fully present and involved. I am certainly good enough. I am not superwoman although I am a phenominal woman.

This realisation definitely makes it easier to say “no”, because I know now that it really doesn’t matter. If I decline a night out, I’m not going to lose friends over it. My friends, and indeed your friends won’t hold it against you forever. In fact they may respect you for it. When you say “no” to others, what you are really saying is “yes” to yourself. Giving your batteries time to recharge or do something that is important to you means that when you do say “yes” to others, they get the best of you, not the rest of you.

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Lost Coast Trail-North 24.6 miles

Unlock your confidence and empower yourself by answering 4 simple questions.Unlock your confidence and empower yourself by answering 4 simple questions.

My children in their school uniforms
Me Rocking a floppy hat and champaign in the sun.
Me being fabulous

Eat up to 30% less food with 1 easy stepEat up to 30% less food with 1 easy step

How often do you say things to yourself or those around you like:

  • “I’m Starving”
  • “I’m Ravenous”
  • “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse”?
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I used to say them to myself all the time, especially around that 3pm afternoon lol. I would be starving. And when I did eat, I finished my plate and sometimes had second helpings, but a little while later I would feel bloated, uncomfortable and lethargic. I ate like a starving person, but the truth is I am far from Starving.

In the Western world, very few people are. The ONS (Office for National Statistics) showed that in the UK 391 people died from malnutrition in 2015, however the recent figures show about 30,000 people will die from obesity related diseases each year.

The biggest issue is, our brain doesn’t receive logic based information on the same, powerful level that it receives emotion based information. So although you logically know that you are not starving, the emotions overrule this and cause chemical changes that block the stomachs signal to your brain that you are full. Your subconsious is trying to keep you alive by making you eat more and ensuring that you do not starve.

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So you keep eating, way beyond when your stomach is telling you to stop and you feel uncomfortable and bloated and lethargic because your body is having to work harder to digest it and lay down fat.

By making a simple, easy change to how we speak to ourselves and others about food we can prevent ourselves from over-eating and enjoy the benefits of being slimmer, healthier and having more energy.

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Stop using hyperbolic language and be honest with yourself. You are not starving. You are not experiencing famine. When you feel hungry say these phrases instead,

“I’m peckish”

“I could eat soon”

“I could use a bite to eat”

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

These phrases are a lot less emotive and have no negative affect on your mind. There is no conflict in the mind and there is no need for it to cause you to eat in excess, leaving you free to only want to eat the amounts of food your body needs and can use and live a slimmer, healthier more energetic life.