What was the last thing you said “No” to? A meal? Drinks with friends?
Why did you say no; was it that you had plans with others, plans with yourself, or just couldn’t face it? How did you feel when you said No? Guilty, annoyed with yourself, tired?
You aren’t alone.
I used to feel so guilty and upset with myself if I said no to people. You want me to bake biscuits for your party? “yes”. You want me to give up the one night this week with my husband to look after your children? “Yes”. You want me to put my whole life on hold for you? “Yes”.
I would put so much on my plate and struggle to get everything done, icing cakes at ten o’clock at night. I would feel so guilty if I said no to anyone, that I just said yes to everyone. I would stay up all night to get through my list and crawl into bed feeling like I had missed out on time with my children and my husband, no matter what I accomplished I always felt like a failure, but I found out that it doesn’t have to be this way to have friends. People still like me now I have healthy boundaries, in fact they like me better now I respect myself enough to set them. Do you know the biggest surprise though on this journey, that it is so EASY once you start.
It all started by saying yes to my husband ironically. He was the first one to tell me to put a day in the diary every month that was for just me. I tried just keeping some space in my mind, but I always ended up filling it. It wasn’t until I put it physically in the diary that I was able to honestly say no to people.
The first few times I said no to others in favour of myself, I still felt so guilty. I would spend that designated me time beating myself for letting everyone around me down, but after a couple do you know what? NO ONE cared. Not one single person that matters cared. I didn’t have to lie and say I was unwell or had other plans and people not only accepted hearing No, but I was still invited and given the opportunity to say yes.
Now I spend time with my friends and family, I help them when I can and I enjoy spa days, long baths and time to myself. I finish my day with most of the jobs done, but I don’t care if it’s not perfect or I have to roll somethings to the next day. I’m proud of myself, I’m happier and somehow, actually have more time for my family and friends.
Every time you say No to something, you are saying Yes to something else.
Make sure the things you are saying yes to are worth it.