I have always loved cakes.
I remember the smell in my house when grandma was baking them, and how that sweet sugar coated everything around me – the racks of cooling papers on either side as they let out their fragrance to meet me at eye level.
Needing fattening up as my grandmother would say, I entered her care at 6 years old. I had known what it was to be truly hungry at that point and be without food. So my grandma would always make this creamy chicken and tagliatelle dish on a Saturday, I would be encouraged to have seconds and told to clear my plate.
I was given mountains of Beef Stroganoff and I cannot remember an evening that we didn’t have a desert (unless we were being punished).
And the deserts were amazing. If I was sad or needed attention of any kind, there would be a cake, a chocolate bar, a biscuit.
However, when I was living with my now husband in our twenties, I was getting bigger and bigger. I tried dieting, but I always ended up giving up and planning to start again tomorrow. I had never made the connection between my comfort eating and my learning food was a comfort.
Food, especially rich butter and cream laden dishes or sugary treats became the way I felt closer to my grandma. My type 2 diabetic, highly unhealthy and wonderful grandma. When I realised this, I also realised something else.
My grandma would be horrified if she had lived to see the damage I had done to my body trying to remember the love and affection I felt when she fed me. She would not want me to make myself as unwell as she was in order to feel close to her. She would be heartbroken if she ever knew that her amazingly well intentioned acts had helped inform the choices I had made time and time again over food.
The amazing thing about knowing this about myself is it has enabled me to recognise these characteristics in myself. I never need to eat cake or chocolate to be comforted as I am able to comfort myself in other ways. I realised that the reason I was unable to diet is that diets aren’t made for people like me, people who have a strong emotional connection to food (which is most of us) and need to understand and overcome those barriers. Once you overcome them, you never need to diet again as your diet naturally changes. You automatically cut down on the foods that are making you unhealthy and unwell because you can unlink those memories to the action of eating.
I can show you how to do this and more in my FREE Webinar. Join me on the 15 February 2022 at 8pm in my Facebook group Radiant Balance to be part of this incredible process.