The Belief Distillery Melanie Parker Hypnotherapy Uncategorized Why your past is stopping you shed weight now

Why your past is stopping you shed weight now

If your mind is hardwired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, why are you unhappy with your weight?

Almost everything we experience in our bodies is related to our beliefs and the connections we have forged to experiences we have gone through. In the amazing book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk explains the connection beautifully but alas, I am no such writer so I will share with you some very summarised case studies from RTT that explain better.

A man who was overweight and extremely unhappy with his life came in to see Marisa Peer for therapy. When he was regressed in every scene he wished he could be bigger. He had older siblings afforded much more freedom, he was bullied, he felt small.

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This man, as a young boy had made the connection that being small equated to being vulnerable, feeling unsafe and not treated equally. He was always wishing to be ‘bigger’.

Another woman came into that office at a different time, she also wanted help with her weight. This time, when she was regressed she related experiences of sexual abuse and trauma. She was a beautiful young girl who had a lot of attention. She thought to herself as a young child, this wouldn’t happen to me if I were ugly.

Lastly myself, due to my experiences as a child when I was put into care, I was only really shown affection with food. I was fattened up because I needed it and when I felt sad, rather than cuddles and someone to talk to, I was given sweets and chocolate and treats. Nothing I did was ever enough in that house and I was only happy when I was eating.

It’s an interesting and sad statistic that 1:4 women will have experienced some kind of sexual abuse, but it is more interesting still that those 1:4 are twice as likely to become addicted to food.

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Although every one of these people linked huge pain to being overweight and wanted to be thinner and healthier, they linked a bigger, more visceral pain to the experiences they had as a child. Their amazing child like minds created a solution to the problem they were experiencing as children, but as adults this was still going on their subconsious and they were unable to break the cycle without help.

Through RTT these people, myself included, live healthy amazing lives. We are slim without needing to diet, we make choices that benefit ourselves naturally and we never again feel like we need to be bigger to have the safety, love and security each and every person is worthy of.

Permanent change is possible, but it starts with you. Dieting, surgery, intense exercise plans only change the behaviour, and when you don’t change the belief, that is never a perminant change. Most of the time, we actually link pain to these activities. The muscle pain, feeling hungry, feeling denied. It is only when we change the belief, create that safety and love within ourselves without needing to be big or eat that we can truly be permanently successful.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you achieve permanent success without all of the pain and struggle please book a call with me TODAY. Together we can find freedom from dieting for good!


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It’s Not Your FaultIt’s Not Your Fault

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“Just eat less and move more”

“Have you tried this new diet?”

Well no – thank you Karen I haven’t tried the ‘only eat a cube of cheese and dried ice diet’. Really, that’s all I need to do, thank you so much!

It seems easy doesn’t it, you look around the slimming group at everyone making losses except you. You try to diet but your resolve disappears the moment you have a bad day and you feel disgusted with yourself.

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At least, that is how I felt. I would lose some weight, plateau and then put it all back on plus interest. It always looks so easy for everyone else. I understood the logic and the information around food, but always seemed to make poor decisions.

Now I understand why I am free from all the guilt and shame that went with my binge eating.

The truth is there are several factors at play as to why we over-eat and are drawn to certain foods, but the one I’m focusing on right now is our ancestry.

What do a lot of dead relatives have to do with why you feel overweight though?

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We are descended from cave-men. Tribal hunters. One of the greatest threats to our survival was starvation. If a deer went past and you said, “not today, I don’t fancy deer” then it could cost you yours and your families life. If you saw food of any kind you wanted it. And the most prized form of food – energy dense sugar. Hard to come-by if you’re a cave-man, bees don’t just give you their precious honey after all. So when there is a source of food, especially sugar, we are hard-wired to want it, in much the same way that animals are hard-wired to be afraid of fire, even they haven’t experienced it.

Nature actually wants us all to be over-weight. If we are over-weight, we have plenty of reserves for the leaner times – but of course now, with a 24hr McDonalds in every town and a corner shop in walking distance from every home, we don’t have lean times.

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I used to put treats into the cupboard and ration them out according to syns or points. I once spent my evening individually wrapping portions of Galaxy from one of those Giant bars. I would tell myself that I was allowed a little each day and that would work for the first two or three. Then by stressful day 4 when the children have driven me potty and work sucked I find myself inexplicably surrounded by cling-wrap. It called to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it until it was gone.

This however, isn’t something to feel guilty about. It isn’t something to be ashamed over. It is our normal and correct reaction under the circumstances.

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But we can change our hard-wiring. We can remove these beliefs that are holding us back from becoming the fittest, leanest versions of ourselves and I can’t wait to show you how.

To unlock the secrets to being a naturally thin person, to have more energy and feel sexier, join me for my FREE Webinar on the 15th January and I will share with you some amazing tips for overcoming these blocks and instantly eating up to 30% less food. Access will be via my Facebook Group, if you aren’t already part of this growing and caring community, then please join us here


How memories can keep you from reaching your weight loss goalsHow memories can keep you from reaching your weight loss goals

I have always loved cakes.

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I remember the smell in my house when grandma was baking them, and how that sweet sugar coated everything around me – the racks of cooling papers on either side as they let out their fragrance to meet me at eye level.

Needing fattening up as my grandmother would say, I entered her care at 6 years old. I had known what it was to be truly hungry at that point and be without food. So my grandma would always make this creamy chicken and tagliatelle dish on a Saturday, I would be encouraged to have seconds and told to clear my plate.

I was given mountains of Beef Stroganoff and I cannot remember an evening that we didn’t have a desert (unless we were being punished).

And the deserts were amazing. If I was sad or needed attention of any kind, there would be a cake, a chocolate bar, a biscuit.

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However, when I was living with my now husband in our twenties, I was getting bigger and bigger. I tried dieting, but I always ended up giving up and planning to start again tomorrow. I had never made the connection between my comfort eating and my learning food was a comfort.

Food, especially rich butter and cream laden dishes or sugary treats became the way I felt closer to my grandma. My type 2 diabetic, highly unhealthy and wonderful grandma. When I realised this, I also realised something else.

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My grandma would be horrified if she had lived to see the damage I had done to my body trying to remember the love and affection I felt when she fed me. She would not want me to make myself as unwell as she was in order to feel close to her. She would be heartbroken if she ever knew that her amazingly well intentioned acts had helped inform the choices I had made time and time again over food.

The amazing thing about knowing this about myself is it has enabled me to recognise these characteristics in myself. I never need to eat cake or chocolate to be comforted as I am able to comfort myself in other ways. I realised that the reason I was unable to diet is that diets aren’t made for people like me, people who have a strong emotional connection to food (which is most of us) and need to understand and overcome those barriers. Once you overcome them, you never need to diet again as your diet naturally changes. You automatically cut down on the foods that are making you unhealthy and unwell because you can unlink those memories to the action of eating.

I can show you how to do this and more in my FREE Webinar. Join me on the 15 February 2022 at 8pm in my Facebook group Radiant Balance to be part of this incredible process.


How to do Valentines in LockdownHow to do Valentines in Lockdown

For the last year we have spent almost every waking moment together. Every evening we eat together, put our children to bed together and sit on the sofa together. With Valentines Day approaching fast, I have been racking my brain to find ways to make the evening special, when all of the usual ways we would celebrate are not available to us.

Even if you have not been able to be with your partner during lockdown, and are facing a Valentines spent on webchat, please read on as these ideas are perfect for you too.

I have spent hours, pawing over Pinterest, looking at recipes and Etsy shops only to realise that with us both home 23 hours a day that I was going to have to up my game, at the same time feeling stressed, exhausted and having nothing to wear! I know I’m not alone in this situation, so I have created this Lockdown Valentines List to make your night wonderful and a little out of the ordinary ‘Netflix and Chill’ but as easy as possible.

The Card:

MAKE YOUR PARTNER A CARD. I cannot stress enough how important this is. I don’t care if you think you can’t draw or you suck at art, and neither does your partner. It is all about time and effort to make something small for the person you love.

 If you still find this a scary concept or have no idea where to start, I have found so many ideas perfect for everyone, from novices through to the craftiest of us. You can see all my card making pins here.

The Gift

Since Lockdown, you haven’t been able to purchase a new pair of shoes or  bike part without your partner knowing everything about it, the idea of not just buying but wrapping a gift for my husband is sending me into a spin. This year, we have decided to get a joint gift.

Of course, the most important gift we can give each other is our time, so put down the devices (unless you are communicating on them) and give your partner the very best of you.

It’s all in the preparation

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Have a long shower or a bath, make sure you are feeling your best. Get dressed up as if you were going out together and make the effort. Even though you may not be going much further than the dining room, getting dressed up tells your mind it is going to be a special evening and you are more naturally inclined to behave as though you are on a date.

The Meal:

Rather than eating with the family (5pm and a battle over vegetables in our home), Order takeaway or an oven-ready meal for yourselves. You have just cooked and washed up after your tiny humans, the last thing you want is to have to do that again, not to mention that you don’t want to spend your date in the kitchen.

Yes, a wonderful meal was important in 2019, but half the country can’t even taste their food right now; spend the evening together.

You can make it special by laying a table cloth, serving the meal on plates (even if it’s McDonalds). And if you are doing this via webchat, order your meals ahead for the same time and find a restaurant background for your chat. Source pictures from your favourite restaurants website or you could set out an indoor picnic or day at a theme park.

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The most important thing is, unless you require your technology to communicate at this time, everything should be put down. COMMUNICATE and BE PRESENT with your partner, even if you do nothing else in this list, be together, not just inhabit the same space.

The Evening

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Take these ideas as far as you feel comfortable with and remember the most important thing is you are making time to communicate with your partner and mindfully be with them.

I’m almost certain over the last few months, you have watched every movie there is together so please don’t spend yet another night on the sofa, at least, not in front of a film.

If you are spending your Valentines date on webchat, then my favourite idea is to check out some of the games available either through your webchat provider, or via a third party such as JackBox. Or, if you both have a copy of the same game in the cupboard, why not go old school and play a board game together while you talk?

If you are together, then all the better. Get out the board games and find something to play together to keep you talking. Remember NO PHONES.

Implement some forfeits into your game to bring you closer together, think ideas such as truth or dare, losing items of clothing or revealing a kinky fantasy.

If you can’t meet in person, then I’m sure you have already found some creative ways to feel connected. There are also some toys you can play with over the internet so you and your partner can have the control to each others sensations.

Aromatherapy massage

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Massage oils are relatively easy to come by on line, this one is my favourite, but you can find what works for you.

There are loads of tutorials on YouTube, pick one that resonates with you and remember to have fun.

If you don’t feel very confident, even with no experience, just lightly gliding your hands over your partners body will bring you closer together and feel amazing. Remember this isn’t a serious, solemn experience, talk and laugh with your partner while your touch them….A word of warning though about getting carried away – switch to a good water based lubricant before moving anywhere sensitive.

Talking of anywhere sensitive, if the plan is to get carried away, why not try something more mindful than your usual play time.

Yoni massage – How To Give A Yoni Massage: A 12 Step Guide To Make It Life-Changing (

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Lingham massage – How to Give an Out-Of-This-World Lingam Massage (

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Some of these ideas may not be new to you, some of them may even seem a little shocking, but being in love is about having fun. That is if you have been together a few months, or married for years. Make Valentines 2021 about fun and togetherness and that feeling will stay with you, and help carry you both into the spring with smiles on your faces.